Wednesday 16 November 2011

I Am The Worst Cook Ever

I actually managed to catch something on fire in the microwave.

I will provide more details tomorrow afternoon.

---------------------------------------

IT'S TOMORROW AFTERNOON!

So, here's the dealio. Andrew always cooks. Why? Cause my famous go-to dish is microwave KD. (Which is delicious, by the way) I pretty much cook everything in the microwave because it is magical and easy. I am a Microwave pro. Or so I thought.

It all started with a major craving for grill cheeses, which I call girl cheeses (CRAVINGS DO NOT MEAN PREGNANCY!).Usually, I won't make them cause they involve a thing called the stove.

But then I saw THIS!

This is not my toaster. Although I wish it was.
That is a kick-ass toaster.
How rucking genius is that?! (I meant to write the F-word, but it typoed into that. I like rucking better anyways.) So I was like "Don't worry Andrew, I'LL make the girl cheese!". Then I popped the toaster on the side. He was like "Christine, that's not a good idea." I did it anyways.

Then the cheese starting sticking to the toaster and it all started to smoke, so I thought it was better to pop them out prematurely. It was basically warm bread with sticky cheese, but I stuck them together and ate it anyways. But I had to do the others some other way. Andrew agreed.

So I decided to put them in the toaster oven, since a toaster over is basically a prehistoric mircowave.
I ASKED FOR A SANDWICH, NOT A PORK ROAST! AND
STOP BEING SO HAPPY ABOUT IT!
This is when the really bad idea started. Our butter was pretty much frozen, since our kitchen is so cold. And I needed to spread it on the bread. Solution? MICROWAVE! This happened.

Me: I'm going to put this butter in the microwave. Do you think I can put it in still in the wrapper?

Andrew: I don't think so.

Me: Well, the wrapper is shiny looking, but it couldn't actually be made of metal, right? I mean, who wraps shit in metal?

Andrew: Just put a chunk in a bowl, then put it in the mircowave.

Me: Nah, I'll just put the whole thing in. It's only going to be for 15 seconds.
After TWO seconds, shit starting blowing up like Canada Day fireworks.
Me: IT'S MADE OF METAL! IT'S MADE OF METAL! OH MY GOD!
I panicked, then quickly turned the power off after only 5 second. I opened the door. There was a flame on the wrapper. It was getting bigger.

Me: THE BUTTER IS ON FIRE ANDREW! IT'S GETTING BIGGER!
Andrew ran over and attempted to blow out the flame. Which made it bigger.

Me: IT'S GETTING BIGGER!
Finally, Andrew blew hard enough (twss) to put it out. What was left was a disgusting-smelling charred mess of a wrapper and some funny-looking butter. I laughed hysterically as Andrew vowed to never let me cook again.

I still used the butter though.

5 comments:

  1. Please update!
    What did you catch on fire??

    ReplyDelete
  2. See what I'm doing? It's a cliffhanger, like they do in every damn episode of The Walking Dead. Now you HAVE to come back to find out!

    Ha-Ha-Ha! *Evilish laugh* (Not to be confused with an Elvish laugh)

    ReplyDelete
  3. I wish I could do an Elvish laugh. Or an Elvisish laugh. Try to figure that shit out.

    So, if the butter was wrapped in tinfoil, doesn't that mean it's margarine?

    ReplyDelete
  4. I was totally going to write Elvisish, but thought it would go over people's heads. But I think it would sound like "Uh-hu-huhahahahaha". You know what I'm talking about.

    And it was totally butter. Hick Boy's grandparents own a dairy farm. We get the real shit. They must wrap their butter in futuristic metal-paper that acts as a force field or something.

    ReplyDelete
  5. OH Christine, I don't know how I would survive here without these little gems.
    Elvish laughs are so much better though.

    Also, rule of thumb: if its shiny and metal looking, just don't put it in the microwave.

    ReplyDelete

OMG, you can comment!

You should totally comment.

You May Also Like These Posts

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...